How to Thrive, not Just Survive, when your Life is Falling apart?

How to Thrive, not Just Survive, when your Life is Falling apart?

How to Thrive, not Just Survive, when your Life is Falling apart?

The damage does not happen when there is an attack, it happens when you fail to fight the attack.

It is not the adverse situation that causes disturbance in life, it is when you don’t know how to handle it right.

When met with anything unwelcoming, none of us plan to lose but only a few of us prepare to fight.

But you do not start fighting from the get-go.

When you encounter with a rough patch in life, breaking in the face of the challenge is not losing the challenge. That is just the first reaction to anything that you weren’t prepared for, and it has nothing to do with your ability to handle it.

Because you don’t read books on healing until you have had a wound.

You don’t search for positivity until you have encountered a negative situation.

You don’t search for happiness on the inside until you see the fluctuating happiness on the outside.

You don’t know what resilience is until you face the storm.

You don’t find yourself until you have lost yourself.

We don’t prepare for the bad times; bad times prepare us instead.

So, if your life is falling apart, you aren’t weak.

You are just a newcomer to this new institute of learning adversity.

When you face something intimidating, when you suddenly get to read the worst chapter of your life, you cannot leaf through the pages to suddenly end up reading a different chapter.

Closing the book is not a sign of weakness.

Not reading further does not declare you an inefficient reader.

When that one chapter turns your life upside down, not liking the book for a while does not make you a bad reader.

The journey of picking yourself up to a level higher than before comes when you let yourself fall to a level deeper than before.

You cannot build power until you accept you are weak, until you experience weakness.

Fighting is not the first step; the first step is to feel the fire inside to fight. And you feel fire only when you allow the burning.

So, before you think of reading the book again, before you feel the desire to read the new chapters, first look for the meanings that this chapter, which was a turn-off for you, is trying to give you.

There was something that you could not handle and it’s only when you accept you could not deal with it without doubting your ability to work on it, you give yourself the chance to fight it.


The Turbulence When Life Begins to Fall Apart

It’s a state of frenzy where you lose control over yourself.

You don’t want to believe the ugly picture you have suddenly become a part of.

The space that you do not want to be in, you try repelling it.

The more you create distance from the reality you have been struck by in real time, the more distorted the situation gets.

Your mind fails to map out the path in this labyrinth.

When you fail to accept the situation and you don’t want to accept your incapability to navigate the chaos, you get caught up in the turbulence.

It is so hideous that despite the fact you are standing in the middle of it, you don’t want to accept it. You keep dodging it away.


The Psychology Behind Why We Fall Apart During Challenges

The turbulence is not because something unfavorable was at your doorstep but because you were not aware of it.

The unpreparedness is what creates turbulence in life which makes you stand slack-jawed and afraid.

When you haven’t encountered and dealt with anything like this ever before, you lose your sanity. It is not the fierceness of the catastrophic situation that inflicts turbulence in you, it is when you are unarmed and unable to battle with it.

We know winters will come after the summers, so we have all the quilts and blankets in place. We don’t fear the chilling winters because we have our warm stuff handy.

When you have information about unwelcoming situations, you have an edge, and you prepare things accordingly.

But when something hijacks you uninformed, your mental home is dismantled right away.

Going one step deeper to understand the psychology, there is another responsible factor.

It is not the unfavorable situation that breaks you as much as your anticipation of a favorable life does.

Even if we know bad times and good times are the two sides of the coin, we do not train our minds for the life-wrenching days.

We choose to look at the brighter side of life, we keep our eye on all the good that can happen, but this does not stop life from giving us our hard share.

And the mind that was anticipating good when suddenly encounters bad, falls apart.

A problem is a problem only when you fail to find the solution or deal with it. Calculating 2×4 is a problem for a small child and an adult calculates it right away.

A problem becomes a threat only when you don’t have the right tools and knowledge to solve it.


Reflecting on the Pieces When Life Falls Apart

Remediation does not start right away but only after you start reflecting on things and after you gain clarity of your situation.

You cannot navigate when you are stormed, when things go haywire when the situation crumbles you.

You have to read in between the lines to figure out the story.

There are clues, there are lessons, and there is a purpose in this bad chapter but only if you go closer and feel every ounce of it without dreading it.

You cannot turn the page and get away with the story. You have to participate. You have to indulge. It isn’t about just finishing the book, it is about taking a lesson from it, finding the gold nuggets.

So, when your life is falling apart, instead of falling along, witness it.

Don’t try controlling it, just become the observer.

What you perceive as falling, there is every chance to perceive it as rising but only if you give yourself a chance to understand it.

Some of the core observations I made when I reflected on the pieces while my life was falling apart:


Pain draws your attention towards yourself.

When there is a power cut, when all your electrical gadgets discharge, you lose all the connectivity with the world.

The reality is the extra noise is removed.

Your attention shifts from the useless to the important subjects of your life.

Just because you could not do it voluntarily, power cuts left you with no option but to focus on constructive things.

Pain is the power cut of life.

When your life falls apart, what exactly happens is that you lose connection with the outside world because your world has crashed.

Now the revelation is, you did not shift the attention to the inside because your life fell apart instead your life went through the crash so that your attention could be drawn to the most important place, You.

The intention of pain is not to make things fall apart but to take your attention towards yourself.


Fear of breaking or losing no longer exists.

Rock Bottom is ironically the best place to be in. No matter how much you fear falling apart, until you haven’t fallen, the fear of falling will never stop from ghosting you.

Rock bottom is where all the fears come to a halt, and you start climbing no matter how hard.

When you don’t fear falling, the rising becomes inevitable.

The truth is, you do not fall apart when you hit rock bottom, it’s the fear and your weakness that falls apart. And what remains behind is the untamed and resilient you.


The purpose of pain is to give you the purpose.

When the noise cuts, when the attention shifts and when the focus is on yourself, you hear your Voice. The Calling.

The Calling is not a loud voice but a strong whisper. All it needed was silence.

The purpose of pain is to make you walk towards yourself and make yourself the topmost priority.

Every cloud has a silver lining but only if you allow the cloud to loom over you.


Pain is ugly but the experience is beautiful.

You might not enjoy the learning process, but you cannot stop relishing the great results. Preparing for the exams has never been easy and comfortable. It comes with a lot of stress and discomfort.

But the amount of joy that comes with qualifying for the exam with flying colors makes the stress look infinitely small.

Pain is ugly but the transformation that it brings is spectacular.

Dealing with the pain gives you the experience that makes you competent to deal with anything.

When you realize that a situation no matter how troublesome it is, cannot trouble you for you know how to go about it, the feeling is that of a real winning.



Eight Empowering Steps to Rebuild When Life Falls Apart


Embrace the brokenness.

Positivity, strength, resilience and courage get all the limelight whereas negativity, vulnerability and brokenness are overlooked.

But while we want to be powerful, we fail to understand what builds power isn’t always coming from a place of power.

The reality is, we want to shape into a diamond, but we fear the burning, the heating, the breaking, the pressure.

When I say embrace the brokenness, it does not mean that you are confirming yourself as weak. Instead, it means, you are embracing the process of becoming strong.

Brokenness is the first stage when those outer layers of vulnerability start to wither.

When you say, I accept that I am broken, you are allowing the next step to take charge.


Acknowledge it was in your Favour.

The process does not damage you as much as your fear and doubts about the process do.

When you cannot change the inevitable, change the way how you look at it.

Life does not cast you in easy chapters, but it has no intention of destroying you by giving you those hard ones.

You cannot see the beauty of a diamond when it’s going through the burning.

But when you acknowledge the fact that this is the only way to shape into a diamond, you trust the process even if it looks terrific.

The reminder is you are a diamond. When your life is falling apart, it is one of those stages that is shaping you into a diamond.


Recognize that change is inevitable.

Change is a constant in life, but whether or not we grow from those changes is up to us.

You cannot live life in your head where everything is rosy and unicorns.

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance. ~ Alan Watts.


Treat Yourself with Kindness Amidst Chaos

This might look like underrated advice, but the truth is, treating yourself right and with kindness amidst chaos is the game changer.

We often look down and fill ourselves with all sorts of negative inferior emotions in these times of crisis. Just like that mother who beats her child more when he/she falls and breaks the knee. Don’t be that strict mother to your inner child.

When you are breaking, vulnerable and mentally unstable, you need to parent yourself with self-care, love and kindness. You cannot heal the wound right away, but you can choose to bandage it so that it does not get worse.

Kindness is your self-bandage that will protect you from unnecessary bleeding of negative thoughts.

Your life has fallen apart, you haven’t. The difference is a thin line. Just like when someone attacks the king’s kingdom, it does not mean the King will stop taking charge and protecting it from the intruders. You are the King of your territory Life. Show up like a king and play a vital role.


Embrace the reality without resistance.

You cannot climb the mountain until you accept that you are standing at the right bottom of it.

The more you repel the situation, the more you distance yourself from it, and the more it looks giant and cumbersome. When you embrace reality without resistance, you take a step towards the problem, you zoom in on it, and it’s here in the center of the chaos where you can see the clues and signs of a solution.

The fear of going close and resisting it only delays your healing and recovery.

You cannot stop the wound from bleeding further if you keep avoiding it.

The damage that you make by not embracing the situation is far more than the damage it is.


Reframe challenges as opportunities.

If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience or does He give you the opportunity to be patient?

If you prayed for courage, does God give you courage or did He give you the opportunity to be courageous?

If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings or does he give them the opportunity to love each other?

Movie: Evan Almighty

These lines from the movie Evan Almighty beautifully instils in us that God does not give us what we desire, what we ask for directly but instead gives us the opportunities to work for them.

In this challenging time that you are facing, if you look at the undercurrents, there is a room full of opportunities for you in it.

When your world falls apart, it cuts all the noise, and your entire focus gets on to the most important person in your life: You.

It’s here in this tough time when you are introduced to yourself, to your capacities, and to your potential. Because when it gets tough, it builds pressure and pressure makes it easier to move out of the comfort zone. Your growth is outside that safe space.

And if someone shakes your safe space, you are not in danger, you’ve got a chance to grow.


Focus on what you can control.

You cannot change what is coming to you, but you can change the way how you respond to it.

Very often change of self is needed more than a change of scene.

The real trouble begins when you try to control the situation and not control the way how you handle it.

The secret to attaining peace even in the chaos is to make tweaks in yourself so that you can adapt to the conflict. The only control you have is on yourself. If you realize this, you not only will gain control over yourself but over the situation as well.


Find meaning and purpose.

Your nest wasn’t destroyed to make you homeless; it was dismantled so that you could have only one option: To Fly!

Don’t look at the things that are falling apart, take your attention to the new empire that can be built in this place.

When you begin to focus on what can be created instead of what is being lost, the broken pieces serve as the raw material for new creations.

It broke because it was no longer enough to serve you.

Don’t lament over the loss for it wasn’t a loss but a chance. Instead, reflect on your aspirations. At this point when the noise is negligible, ask yourself what truly matters to you, what brings you joy, and what you want to achieve in life. Understanding your core values can provide a compass to guide you through difficult times.

This adverse time is packed with lessons only if you dig deeper into it.

Adversity can be an opportunity for growth, resilience, and self-discovery. Reflect on how you can learn from your experiences and use them to become a stronger, wiser person.

Use this time of uncertainty as an opportunity to explore new interests, hobbies, or passions. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, and fulfilment can provide a sense of purpose and direction, even amidst chaos.

I’d like to invite you to join my Saturday newsletter “Evolve and Elevate” where I share self-read lessons from the Bhagavad Gita, inspiring stories/experiences/perspectives and an idea worth reading.

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Hi! This is Sarita Mian.

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