Cultivate your best version: Self acceptance and Self forgiveness
Can we really do something that can transform us into our best versions?
Is there something called the best version even?Does the best version mean to be perfect and without flaws? Have you ever looked through your body and penetrated into the soul, to see what concrete you are made up of? Do you really know who you are and why are you ?
I’m sure the answers to the above might not come up easily to you.
The sad part is “We work to understand everything outside us, and just not us”.
Irony is, if you haven’t worked upon knowing yourself, never stirred your soul to know the why of your life, never become the best pal, best sibling of yourself, everything else outside will be far fetched and meaningless.
Through this blog post I want you to take a deep dip into yourself to understand that your existence itself is of paramount importance. I want you to feel enabled to have self reflection that can help you have the insight of your uniqueness.
So, What is the best version?
Is it some final point where there is no room for more improvement? Or is it your attribute that outshines others?
Well, the Best version is no final state but an ongoing process of refinement in which you do not vacate yourself of the flaws but give them space, embrace them as a part of you and then redesign them into your strengths.
“Best version is your better version than the previous, with an intent to still become better than the present”
Let’s dive into how you can cultivate your best version!
Giving a profound thought over how we all struggle to become better in a world of judgements, I felt it’s the most challenging thing to come up as someone who is amazingly refined.
The prime requisites that can help you evacuate all the limiting things obstructing you from becoming a confident best version are:
1. SELF ACCEPTANCE
2. SELF FORGIVENESS
Why do you even need this thing called self acceptance in the first place?
- Did you know right at birth that you will acquire flaws that you yourself will look down upon?
- Did you know that you might not be enough for all that you will wish to achieve?
- Did you know that you might grow harsh with time?
- Did you know that you might hurt people unintentionally or even intentionally?
- Did you know that you might not be able to level up with the excelling world?
- Did you know that your body might not make you feel good about it?
- Did you know that you will not be that strong than others around?
- Did you know that you might not be as successful as you will work to be?
I Am sure we all go through these self doubts about our capabilities and flaws. We are not guaranteed to grow perfect and balanced.
We are humans and prone to not grow error-free but then definitely growing without working upon them is like leaving a permanent room for betterment.
Self Acceptance is the key, the first step towards your best version.
To admit and own your negatives and your weaknesses, not with an attitude to succumb to them but with a vision to work upon them is what self acceptance is primarily about.
It is only by truly accepting yourself that you can even begin the process of meaningful self-improvement. In other words, we must first acknowledge that we have undesirable traits and habits before we start off on our journey to improvement.
Striving for the best version needs first the acceptance about the fact that you have room for betterment. Not merely acceptance but unconditional self acceptance.
It’s relatively easy to accept ourselves when we just did something great—won an award, fell in love, or started a fantastic new job—but accepting ourselves at our lowest and with our faults and flaws is the real mark of unconditional self-acceptance. But that certainly does not mean you should look down upon your flaws with dislike or hatred. You really cannot showcase your best version if you aren’t loving the all of you. Yes, the entire black and white side of you.
To accept means you are making way to change things into the best forms.
Looking yourself in the mirror should not give you a vibe of unhappiness for all that you do not like in your body, in your soul; but rather punch you with motivation to transcend into your best version.
There are endless things that your life did not instill in you when it was given to you in your first breath.
It’s the world that comes up in front of you like a panel of judges telling you, “You are not enough for the dreams you have”
Now when the world is up and almost brutal in getting things hardwired in you, it’s your take how you put up your show like a grand one.
This is the point when you need to understand where you lag behind and what you lack.
It’s you who has to wrap yourself in the strong belief system, that you hold the ability to embrace your weaknesses and reshape to make them your Armour.
You cannot lead and transcend your own self till you do not accept things you are not capable of, the negatives you carry, the mistakes you commit, the physical flaw you feel you have. Yes it’s the acceptance of the things you never liked about yourself, that will help you carve them into your strengths, turning them into your real assets.
Self-acceptance can look different for each one of us, depending on what we have struggled with and which pieces of ours we’d rather not think about. Here are some examples of what self-acceptance might look like for a variety of people:
1. A person suddenly getting any body part crippled will instill a feeling of being unfortunate, disabled, finding things hard to do and sitting back like losing the game of life.But that’s not how all those who are crippled turn up.
There are people who challenge them at their worst to come up with the best. But How? Crippled body cannot work if it’s not accepted, if it’s continued to looked down upon as a disability, as a drawback.
Once the disability is perceived as something like a challenge, an inspiration, a motivation to no longer appear as someone less efficient, it will be accepted and then it will be re-habituated to work more efficiently. There are people who are crippled and work more efficiently than the ones with all limbs and body parts intact.
It’s their acceptance for the disability and then an unbiased love for their body that finally makes them able again.
Yes, the word disability exists merely in mind and not in the body
2. The world has set standards for physical beauty that are indelible.
Now when a woman who feels she is not good enough in her looks, in her body, or has a desire to re-define her beauty just because she feels she does not fit in with the beauty standards, is a real pain.Her false belief that she is not a stunner will never let her be the one.
It’s never the skin that makes her feel inferior, but the world’s opinion persuades her to look down upon it. Had these standards never been set, the inferiority of physical beauty would have never existed.
But now when the beauty standards stand tall and tough, it’s about how this woman stands taller with her body and skin.
Well despite the beauty standards, the real owner of showcasing the beauty is the woman herself. Once she shields her emotions from the ruthless opinions of the world on her beauty, she can endeavor to become the most beautiful and stunning Diva.
The first thing to introspect is to understand whether the need to work upon physical appearance is just because it’s set by the world or her own desire to work on her grace and beauty.
Well if things make a woman feel inferior only because the world, the panel of judges does not qualify it, it’s futile to work upon it.
It’s only her inner strong fascination and desire to shape her beauty into a more graceful one that will make her beautifully confident.
She cannot carve herself into a beautiful desirable personality until she does not accept that it’s ok to not win the race of beauty standards but work upon winning her own self esteem.
This desire of seeing herself as a more refined beautiful version demands first the acceptance and love for the beauty she already carries. To accept that she is already beautiful and working to pour in more of it.
Once she embraces her body with all its flaws and completely falls in love with it, her inner soul will evoke an emotion free from any self disliking, helping her transform into a more beautiful woman.
3. One who has hurt someone intentionally and then builds guilt about it cannot eradicate it until and unless the acceptance for the same is not there.
It’s the acknowledgement of the things wrongly delivered that will help one to work upon the mistake and nullify the emotion of guilt and repentance.
4. A person who has never been at peace with someone’s success and growth will find it hard to be at peace by himself/herself too.
What’s the way out then?
One cannot withdraw this negative emotion of enmity until it is not realized and accepted that it belongs to one’s own territory, that it is one’s own negative attribute that’s making way to one’s own disturbed soul.
Once the person understands that acceptance never means targeting the self but embracing the whole of the personality with its positives and negatives. It’s only after a willing acceptance, the person gets acknowledged about the need to improve and work for betterment.
Person who is envious will find its ill effects and continue to find them till the enmity is not accepted as a negative trait. Acceptance of this negative trait will help to see the possibility of positive one’s, thus finding ways to work for them
Once you have realized the importance of accepting the fact that it’s fine to not be perfect, to have weaknesses, negative attributes, you gain the ability to shape yourself towards the best version.
Self acceptance is the first threshold for transforming into your best version.
The second comes self forgiveness.
Now when you have taken vows to accept yourself entirely, you are set to rule the World!
But there will be past failures, enmities and insecurities that might haunt you for life.
If you look back in life, you will be able to see an array of incidents which might make you feel like a failure.
You might not have been a great student.
You might not have worked hard to lead in your career.
You might have fallen for bad practices.
You might have been envious of someone.
You might have betrayed someone.
You might have done numerous other unethical things that would today fill you with shame and repentance.
These past negative experiences might keep you stuck in them so deeply that starting afresh would appear futile.
The baggage of the negativity of past incidents will never let you get rid of the guilt and shame that they brought to you.
Yes each one of us have such experiences that keep us stuck for life.
It’s the weirdest feeling when you are over your past and it’s still attacking you in the present and scares you to follow in the future too.
Can we really move on with such eagle thoughts crowding our mind forever? Can we ever think of making amendments while being stuck in the guilt of our bad past experiences?
Well, the answer is No!
Guilt is a blessing but being controlled by it is a curse!
You’ve got to understand that the door leading to your best version will only open if you close all the doors that you left behind.
Once the guilt and repentance strikes you, you have already made the first step towards self forgiveness.
Now when it’s there, make the first move of erasing the impressions left from these negative experiences, and the only way towards this is by forgiving yourself.
Self forgiveness is not a remedy but a healing herb that will pave your way to meet your new refined version.
When you forgive yourself for all those things that have put you in guilt, you are giving yourself a golden opportunity to paint the canvas again and come up with a Masterpiece.
The first step towards self forgiveness is facing what you have done. Accept the mistakes your past has committed, without making any justifications.
By taking responsibility and accepting that you have engaged in actions that have hurt others, you can avoid negative emotions, such as excessive regret and guilt.
Forgiving yourself means you have owned something that was not right in the first place. Self forgiveness paves your way to build compassion for yourself.
Accept every bad, and forgive yourself for all, as this is what will present a white slate for you to start afresh.
Life is never about lamenting on things that were not performed stupendously but working on them the very moment you realize it.
Forgiveness gives you the freedom of thinking again and putting things into action.
Forgiveness is like you are walking down the mired ground towards a clean smooth one, and not looking back at the mire every time.
The moment you understand the power of self acceptance and self forgiveness, you are already exceeding yourself.
Rulebook of life says, “Accept me anyhow and I’ll love you back howsoever”
Hi! This is Sarita Mian.
Welcome to The Locks and Keys where “Little will be valued and Huge shall be contained”
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