5 EFFECTIVE WAYS TO SURVIVE A RELATIONSHIP BREAKUP!
A blossomed flower is what I visualize a new relationship as, that’s turning beautiful and coated with love. The sweetness, the richness of its color, the beauty of it’s dainty appearance and it’s mesmerizing fragrance is what makes you feel the same when falling into a relationship.
You feel you have turned into that one fortunate person who is bestowed with the gift of Life,
“love in its most magical form”.
The hustle of life starts silencing when love starts falling for you like those beautiful snowflakes. The monotony, the tiredness, the stress, the worldly worries, the reasons to curse life appear dwindling and wiping off from your life when this beautiful love takes the front seat.
You feel that nothing can sadden you when you have taken the grip on something that has started giving you boundless joy.
Things that disturbed you lately are now like the water off of a duck’s back.
Finding a new companionship turning into a beautiful relationship makes you pour off your emotions and love effortlessly and unconditionally. You feel the joy in giving your tiniest bit of love to your ally without a conditional approach.
The desire to make this new honeycomb of your relationship full of more sweetness, you start investing without any acquisitiveness.
All the love that you receive in reciprocation is what makes you go deeper into it. You become blindfolded to how intensely your emotions are being invested in someone who has suddenly become your Priority.
This beautiful quote defines this feeling perfectly,
“For the first time in my life, I don’t have to try to be happy. When I’m with you, it just happens ” ~LifeHacks
Yes it just happens and you are amazed by the bliss that comes along with it.
Your life, if it was filled with Hatred, is taken by love, negative by positive, weak by strong and sadness by happiness when you dive into this ocean of love.
While you are in this journey of so-called love, you do not cautiously take steps with a fear that things can ever take a twist, or they can ever come up making you feel that it has gradually turned into your major weakness.
Well weakness is not winning love, but losing yourself on its way.
Yes, It’s hard to love with a limit, with boundaries, with filters but then at times evacuating all your emotions can make you crippled if ever love hits you hard.
Now the sad part is, not always all of that started beautifully will keep going the same.
There will be times when suddenly out of nowhere, some reasons be it misunderstanding, be it finding that you both are not getting along or some society constraints will pop up into your relationship to finally put an end to it.
You will be clueless of how things can turn upside down in just a moment and shake your world of love.
Any petty reason will come up and hit your relationship like a storm making the love crash intensely.
No relationship between any two humans can be spotless, as it’s not merely the two of you that build the relationship but the entire construct of you that reflects your upbringing, your family set up, your perspectives, your individuality and your society status. When things other than love show up in their presence, it does turn hard for love to keep its head high amidst all.
For a prolonged period you might change a major part of your personality out of love but then that’s hard to abide with the change forever.
To make a relationship last forever, it’s important to understand that it is certainly a journey of ebbs and flows and you’ve got to embrace it’s both black and white side.
The point when you are making alterations in your personality to make your ally grow more in love with you, you become ignorant about the fact, that every time you are making a repelling change in yourself that does not completely align with the fundamentals of your personality, you are drifting towards a false version of the real you.
And in this process of loving someone, you start forgetting that you are making a change that will make you love yourself less every time.
Making changes is never bad as they design your relationship towards mutualism and cohesiveness ; but making blind whopping changes just to make your ally feel special even when the change is what you are not comfortable with, slowly paves its way to make loopholes in the bond.
The more you distance yourself from your very own self for the relationship, the more you lose the intent to love freely.
To find a beautiful relationship is like an award, but making your relationship withstand all its ups and downs is like being rewarded.
But yes, Undoubtedly some relationships are destined to end with reasons that you never are responsible for and where your hearts are always in denial.
Well, the point is not about what reason turned up for your breakup but what you need to do to mend your bruised soul post the breakup is what I intend to help you with.
I’m up with this blog for all the youth who happen to fall into new beautiful relationships but somehow can’t make their way to ink it forever and unfortunately happen to abandon it half way.
Surviving a relationship breakup is no less trauma as it takes a life out of you. For the longest period for which you’ve been investing your emotions on someone outside you, feeding your ally with all the love you owned, thus evacuating yourself completely of love is what makes the post breakup life hard to deal with.
Breakups are never easy. The end of a relationship can flip your world upside down and trigger a range of emotions. Some people quickly accept the demise of a relationship and move on, but others may deal with depression.
I have tried to work upon what best can be done when you are put into a situation of such a breakup trauma.
5 effective ways that can help you take charge of your life amidst this chaos of breakup👇
1. Seek someone who can lend you an ear:
When suddenly you are struck by a devastating breakup that has shaken your soul, seek help as soon as possible. Someone who is at hand and there to listen to your aching heart and emotional burst. One who is wise enough to not provoke you but guide you to perceive the whole ending chapter with a positive perspective.
Having a third person’s wise perspective on your breakup will give you an unbiased picture of both sides, thus paving your way to heal sooner.
Holding on to the hatred that breakup comes along with, is what delays your healing time. And that needs to be nullified for your own very self.
Don’t seek someone who will merely console you, but someone who will rationally understand your pain drain situation.
What actually happens is that we often visualize things from our perspective and that gives us a biased point of view regarding the whole situation. You feel you went right all the way and your ally all wrong.
More your mind is full of hatred and anger, the harder it is to make space for healing.
Seeking help, helps you dwindle the huge dungeon of negativity that your breakup has created in you towards your partner, which somehow makes the pain of this parting way lesser.
You start having room for a better wise understanding of the breakup.
Yes there are these breakups where there are complete betrayals and they definitely demand you to help yourself in a more constructive manner.
Such breakups undoubtedly need someone who can listen to you. Someone who can calm you down at the very critical initial stage.
One who will figure out and tell you that things might have been wrong from both sides as well, that even if some society taboos were the reasons, even if things were tried best and still were not worked, there will be a golden key to help you come up from this trash you have fallen into.
Taking help at this vulnerable stage will help you vent out your emotions before they could put you in a hard fix.
Just a hearing ear does massive help in making your heart feel less burdened. Once you’ve shed off your burden of those heavy feelings, you will feel competent to take the next baby step.
2. Understand the WHY of your pain:
So now when you have given yourself the first quick healing, be ready to take the next step towards letting go of the past completely . Trust me it’s a procedure, a complete pathway to walk to reach back to your previous state, yet a transformed stronger version of you.
Understand why the whole thing has shaken your soul so terribly that the wildest fear of incapability to get over this pain of parting starts rooting into your mind.
Yes, the Why of your aching soul!
When you are in a relationship, you pour your love, your emotions, your feelings, your heart, you almost empty your heart and start to fill theirs and vice versa.
And now when suddenly you have parted with your loved one, all the love you had been receiving is what gets suddenly shut.
Love being an utmost necessity, losing it is an immense loss that will take a lot to combat.
Once you have understood your “why” you can then head towards the remediation.
The “why” is that you are short of love now. You have an emptiness that needs refilling. Refilling not by again falling into another trap in haste just to make the empty space full but filling it with Life, with you yourself.
The Way it had gone uphill taking away all the love from you slowly, give it time similarly to come downhill back to your original yet better stronger self.
All you now need to do is find things around you that can make the empty space fill again. (Accept the fact that the way it has rooted slowly it will slowly fill back again with now the love that you will give to yourself , hence patiently embrace this process).
Don’t create panic, don’t rush to wrong methods of healing, just don’t mess up your already messed up situation. When the situation is hard, you’ve got to think, and think profoundly about how to step up from it.
Cry, shed tears, yell but live it completely by yourself without manipulating this survival by falling into another trap of a relationship. When you suddenly get into a new one just to cope up with the breakup, without coming free from it, you dive again into a dependency on someone to heal you and that’s when you become jeopardized and not healed.
Self healing is like first aid before you start playing again.
Fill your heart with love by yourself before you start pouring out again.
Be yourself a reason to come up from what you were harshly put into than anyone else doing it for you.
3. Command your brain to take decisions:
Once you’ve understood the “why”, “how” becomes the next step of your healing process.
Now when the breakup is a final word for both you and your partner, stand by it, no matter what!
Well yes, the reasons for breakups cannot be generalized that putting up one single effective way will shoot all kinds of breakup traumas.
But nevertheless, post breakup bruises can be dealt with quite a much generalized way for you to resuscitate.
At this point when you just want to take yourself out of the pit you have fallen into, you will have to go through hoops before you start swinging on your own see-saw of love.
It will demand your determination, some patience and a tough you to endure this.
What generally goes wrong when you are hit by this hardest breakup is that you keep lamenting, you keep draining, you keep destroying yourself without once thinking of what can be done to minimize it. You have to command your brain to firmly make some decisions 👇
- I’m not going to get back on talking terms ( it’s mandatory to create a distance if you know, you both have parted your ways firmly). This will help you fade away the impressions of the person that has so deeply imprinted on your soul. Being again in frequent contact while you are hustling to get over the memory of the person, will keep you trapped and lengthen the process of healing.
- I am free to cry, yell, burst out, vent out but not allowed to find him/her to hear me, hear my pain.Yes there will be those extremely lonely phases where your soul will so badly crave to hear even just the voice and that’s so understandable. But strive to work upon self healing, make up your mind to firmly take grip over your decision to not choose to have a verbal exchange at this point of vulnerability at least (at least for that crucial initial period which will pave your way to freedom).
Well yes, we cannot always control emotions with a remote and make them function as we have decided . So relax, the idea of not getting back to any sort of talking terms with your partner does not need to terrifically harass you. Even after you have so firmly decided, there will be times when you will go weak at the knees turning up calling back.
I say that’s pretty fine to get that crave out, if it has been harassing you. We all are humans and not all of us function with the same attitude. For some of you a decision taken once will be a line never to be crossed but then for many, the line drawn might bother you more.
Well whatever the kind you fall into, the point is even if you happen to go weak and have a word when it was supposed not, just take the next step of understanding that it is just a pill when the fever was high and nothing more than that. Once the fever feels better, stop the pill as you know an overdose of medication is no treatment for your ailment.
4. Work on yourself before the memories start hunting for your peace:
Plan something that will help you get involved in something constructive and help you heal without striving hard for it.
Yes when a breakup trauma hunts for your peace, you’ve got to not merely rescue yourself but find a safe hiding too. Even if you are into full time work or education, find something that helps you not escape the trauma but overcome and grow with it. All you need to do is divert your attention towards a piece of new project that will keep you glued with its work and help you magnificently shape into your fantastic version. What actually goes wrong with a relationship breakup is that your mind is forced to abandon the memory of someone who has rooted himself/herself in every cranial nerve of your brain. And that demands your honest effort to unwind these nerves, releasing the memories and taking in something that will help you see the brighter side and grow more refined and uplifted all by yourself.
Finding a new project in these hard days of trial will help you not only heal but discover that one passion or hobby of yours that has been dormant since ages can help you fill those empty spaces of heart again.
When your heart is ached by the pain of losing someone, fill it with the colors of what you had always loved to do.
5. Accept that it didn’t happen to you, but for you:
You have come a long way now to finally accept what has hit you hard will take you to a higher and refined version.
Now when you have triumphed over the hijack, raise your hope to see and explore new chapters of life.
All you need to believe now is
“I have a lot to offer another person. I just have to meet them”.
Tame your mind to understand that it was just a roller-coaster to get you know how great a smooth track could feel.
Nothing devastating happens to ruin you, it just is there to ruin the weak in you.
Look for what it can give you.
Sometimes when you’re down it’s because there’s something down there you’re meant to find.
As part of your breakup survival, look for the gems. What can you learn? Why did you choose the relationship? What’s the wisdom that’s left for you when everything is said and done? Everyone comes into our lives to learn from us or to teach us. What have you learnt? The fact that it’s over doesn’t mean it wasn’t important. It just means it’s run its course and it’s no longer the right one. Use it as a step up to the one that is.
You only have to get through today. You can deal with tomorrow when it gets to you. Just put one foot in front of the other and it will get easier.
Above all else, remember that the path to wisdom and a happy life is often littered with shards of broken hearts, including our own. And keep going. You’ll get there.
Nothing in this world can ever distance you from the joy that you will create for yourself by yourself. All you need to believe is, you are blessed with 5 incredible senses that are your magic wands to work you to new horizons.
Let the amazing come and be witnessed by you!
I hope this post was helpful to pave your way towards healing.
If you feel this post can help many others trapped into a situation like this and find it hard to get over it, help them by sharing this much needed post and help find ways to slowly work out on their remediation process of healing.
Share it with a purpose, with a great intent, we never know who is in a desperate need at the moment, at the verge of survival. Make it reach to the one who is struggling hard to pull out from a breakup trauma.
It will be great, even if one single soul going through such trauma happens to read it and feel the drive to come up winning, our purpose is met.
Let’s spread with a great intention and feel the bliss!
Hi! This is Sarita Mian.
Welcome to The Locks and Keys where “Little will be valued and Huge shall be contained”
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